Photography by Eric Catig
You can close your eyes to what you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to the things you don’t want to feel.
For 2018, I’m shifting my focus towards my HEALth. I capitalize it to emphasize sharing my journey in recovery and HEALing from a 9 year eating disorder (thus my three year hiatus from actively being on social media).
I experienced a break up (infidelity included) that left me feeling like my best was “NOT good enough”. At 21, I failed to process the pain and convinced myself it was “his loss.” What I unknowingly pacified were my feelings of hurt, deception, rejection, and neglect.
One of the most challenging things for me in my healing process and recovery journey has been to feel your feelings. Like many, I tend to resist any kind of negative or uncomfortable emotions. Defense mechanisms develop to protect us from distress, but they go on to hurt us later in the form of maladaptive behaviors. I engaged in the most self-sabotaging and self-defeating behaviors by showing up late, getting excessive parking tickets, binge drinking, etc.
From that point, I no longer put my best forward in fear it wouldn’t be good enough again. By doing this, I was in control of why I didn’t get something. “Well, I showed up late.” (i.e. Laker Girl auditions). I would be the reason why I didn’t get something - I’d say no to myself before someone else could.
This kind of avoidant behavior limits our capacity for self-understanding and in doing so, we fail to fully experience and shape our lives. Rather, running towards the discomfort and noticing our feelings without judgment gives us the opportunity to really connect with ourselves. These feelings will pass (just as they do in yoga) and you may experience a breakthrough from these limiting beliefs. You ARE enough and stronger than you think you are.
WHAT ARE YOU WORKING THROUGH?
How are you holding space for yourself or others during challenging emotions?
PLEASE COMMENT BELOW OR TAG A FRIEND.
I’d love to know and offer my support. 💖
Originally posted on Instagram.